Relax! Its a Cultural Revolution!

Don't want to say I'm doing great on the transition.

Yesterday - I was up at 3:30 AM - stayed awake till work at 9. Put in a whole day at the office - and came back to the hotel about 5:30. I puttered around - went out - came back - and started falling asleep at the computer about 7:30.

By 8 I was out.

So it is no surprise that now - at 1:30 AM - that I am wide awake.

Unfortunately for me - I have a full day of work and meetings tonight...

Bleah.

So when I got back from work - I was walking around and next to the hotel is JB massage. Now - for those of you who remember my Beijing trip in January - I decided to get a massage my last night in the city.

The problem was - within 5 minutes - I fell asleep and don't remember anything about it.

There was absolutely no problem with that this time.

This place caters to Westerners - as it is within a block of the Hitlon - and it has English all over the walls. Sometimes - its nice to pretend I don't speak Chinese - as then I can just sit there and listen. So I thought that might be cool. Plus that had a big sign up explaining Thai massage on the door - and seeing as how Chinese massage put me right to sleep and I was effectively trying to pass time and stay awake - I figured that Thai massage might do it.

Ok. I never said I was smart. In fact - regular readers can tell you that I am pretty far from it.

So if I had to translate what Thai massage meant - it would be this:

The massage of pain.

For the entire hour - this poor little Chinese girl kept saying the same thing:

Fa shao. Fa shoa le.

Relax. Just relax...

I don't know about you - but I find it difficult to relax when someone is beating you with their elbows and knees. I find it hard to relax when someone jumps on your back and digs their toes in your spine. I find it hard to relax when someone makes you bend down and lock your hands behind your head like you're getting arrested and then flips you up in the air with their feet in your back while spreading you open like a Thanksgiving Turkey.

Does that hurt? Is that too much?

I was speaking in all manner of tongues - Chinese, Taiwanese, German, English, Nonsense, Ebonics.... anything really to beg her to stop.

I thought - this is really brilliant. Effectively this massage is retribution for thousands of years of imperialism by the West. This is revenge for opium. For anything.

At one point - after she had me laying on my back - while she grab my arms and stretched them out behind me as far as it would go - while jamming her toes in the small of my back and lifting my chest up off the floor - I really believe I starting crying.

I think I denounced all my teachers, my parents, my God and family - and certainly my country.

When I left - they were all smiles - taking my money - and in exchange giving me a little red book and a blue hat with a star on it.

So welcome back to China! I stumbled back to the hotel and melted into bed. I don't know if I fell asleep as much as I simply passed out - and that's why you really relax. Cause you're just so happy the pain stopped.

Tonight:

I meet Yi Neng Jing and see if she is the one.