Don't drink and fly

You know how sometimes, there are stories - and you know that people won't believe them - cause they're just too crazy...?

Well.

Left SF yesterday.

Big plane out of SF - 747 that was jammed up like a sardine can. 3 seats - aisle - 4 seats - aisle - 3 seats. No room anywhere and completely sold out. For some reason we had a 40 minute delay on the ground before we could leave.

Which meant we were gonna be late getting into Chicago - where I had an hour to catch my flight to Fort Wayne.

We hit the ground - and I had 25 minutes before my next plane left. By the time we reached the gate - 15. By the time I got out from row 59 - 5. Of course we were at the B gates and I needed to get to F.

So I sprinted.

And I made it. 50th of 50 passengers. She actually just closed the door when I got there - and opened it again to let me out.

I sat in the last free seat on the plane.

I knew my luggage wouldn't make it - but at least I could get home.

But then we didn't leave.

And I noticed people talking and laughing nervously. Then the stewardess keeps going to the back. To the bathroom.

And there is someone in there who won't come out.

So they bring in some paramedics.
And she won't let them in.

And by this time - I figure - poor lady. Had some kind of blowout - and she is embarrassed. I feel bad.

Then Police come. And she still won't come out or let anyone in. We're 30 minutes late now. The stewardess shows them how to open the door - even if its locked - and finally they get her out. And she is big. And young. And holding up a blanket over her front.

And when she gets to my row - she almost falls into the lap of the guy next to me.

It is at this point - the sympathy leaves. She was drunk. And she puked all over herself.

She gets off the plane with the cops and the paramedics. And then we still sit there.

Apparently the bathroom is completely covered in vomit.

So two guys come in and empty the toilet of its precious blue water.

And then we wait some more. 1 hour 15 minutes late now.

Then a lady in a rubber suit shows up. Apparently to clean the toilet top to bottom. 15 minutes later she leaves.

But no one refilled the toilet - and the people who do that have all gone home - seeing as how its past midnight now. And so the pilot has to get on the phone with someone in Arizona to make someone come back from home to put blue juice back in the toilet.

By this time - my normally understanding Midwest compatriots are getting very grumpy. They actually start to yell. And the poor stewardess has just started her first week.

Welcome to the jungle.

At this point - an old guy in the back leads a revolution. He has to take a leak. So finally - 2 hours past take off time - and this is only a 25 minute flight mind you - they let us all back off the plane to go back to the airport to go to the bathroom.

We all wander back and soon enough - we have blue juice.

Then we have to wait for a guy that wandered through the terminal - not to go to the bathroom - but to find a McDonalds that was still open past midnight.

Once he finally sat down - the pilot announced that now that we have sat here for two hours - we were out of fuel. And now there was no one left to give us gas.

I know. Funny right? Not to my fellow passengers.

Finally found a guy. And at 2 and a half hours past leaving time - we took to the air.

And finally made it to Ft Wayne. Now all I need is my bag and I get to drive another hour to the house.

Wouldn't you know it?

In 2.5 hours on the ground - they must have thought they didn't have time to get my bag on the plane - and so...

No luggage.

This one goes in the books...