How to Learn from My Mistakes

Did a little digging this week. Found a box full of my old high school ramblings...

Believe me - its all true. Except the "pot" references. For the record - my parents never smoked pot. Sure - we hit the crack pipe every now and then - for dessert - but what family doesn't?



That last line really sums it all up doesn't it?

I don't think we ever think we are smarter than when we graduate high school. From then on in - it is a slippery slope to ignorance and dementia...

And somewhere on that journey down the steps of stupidity - you learn a few lessons.

Let me tell you a little story so that you might not make the same mistakes as me.

Back in November - I did the LA meeting week. I made nice with numerous production companies that say they read my script and wanted me to come in for a meeting. I sat and chatted and met many fine people for stilted conversation and a bottle of water all over the glorious city of Los Angeles.

One such company said they really liked the script. The guy I met was really cool. Their offices were really sweet - with posters from a lot of my favorite films that no one else likes. We sat and met on a couch right next to a giant bookshelf full of scripts. Overflowing with scripts. You felt like this was a pretty cool place.

We talked about the script for awhile - where it was going (nowhere) and how I was doing (deluded) and then he brought up a project that he thought I would be perfect for.

This is really what you want to hear.

The idea that someone reads something of yours and thinks that you are the one to save their "other" project. You read it, fix it, and roll the Brinks truck up to your door - cause it's time to bathe in cash like Scrooge McDuck!

Anyways. He pitched me a bit of the project. Sounded sorta interesting - but putting on my best "Hollywood" face (think 1960's four year old in "it's a small world after all" ride at Disney) to feign enthusiasm - when really inside my expression is very different (think 2006 four year old in "it's a small world ride" at Disney)

So they promised to send me something right away. It was a treatment. A 60 page treatment. It already had a couple writers names on it - one was the guy I was to be working with - a Director - and the other was someone else - who, when I asked - was said to be nothing more than a "typist." Why a typists name would be put under "written by" really didn't make sense - and also worried me a bit. Was I going to be the next "typist?"

Well. I read it.

It was bad. Not like bad in a good way bad. Just bad bad. Like bad that can't be fixed by anything in my bag of tricks bad. And worse - this was the director's baby.

A bit on the director. This is a big up and comer. He has a big movie set up that a really big director was gonna do - but this guy came in and blew everyone away and so the studio saw no choice but to give him the job. He is a music video guy who has done a lot of really cool videos - but this movie was to be the one.

In some ways he reminds me of the guy from Entourage - who directed the kids first indy film.

So I told my agents that I thought the thing blows and I want to pass. They tell the company. The company actually calls back and wants to talk to me about it. I am always one to take a call - so they ask me - please don't say no till you talk with the Director. This is his baby (shudder - it's like carrying around an aborted fetus) and I really think you would be great for this - blah blah blah.

Sucker.

Sure - I'll talk to him. Great. We will give him your script, and as soon as he reads it - he'll call you and you guys can talk. But believe me. He knows he is not a writer and is willing TO CHANGE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

Sigh. Hindsight, my friends... Hindsight....

(And I know there are a few of you out there going - what an asshole. I would die for someone to call me and ask me to do a take for free... to get involved with the process... And least you are getting calls... But trust me - first - yes. I am an asshole. Second - you don't want this call. Third - I am no great writer - but on my worse days, I have crapped out better scripts than this.)

Fast forward to three months later.

All has been radio silence since that day. Suddenly, I am in line at school - picking my kids up - when I get a call from said director. Hey man. I really wanna talk to you about my script. Isn't it great? What do you think of it....?

Uh... First off, I haven't read the thing since I first said no. Secondly, my kids are jumping in the car - yelling... Third - who is this again?

We finally figure out what is going on - and before I tell him what I think of his script - I give him my email. I ask him - did you read my script? He goes - Oh yeah... Well, I have been really busy... But I have heard its great...

I'm thinking - why even waste the time? This is three months later. Who am I to tell him his script blows... I just say - Look. Why don't you read my script? If you like it - then call me back and we can talk about yours. If you don't - then we can just part as friends. Cool?

As a cucumber.

He calls back in two weeks. I love it man. It's great. I don't test him to see if he really read it or not - because I love the illusion that someone likes the script way way more than the reality... But then I started to tell him what I really thought of the treatment. That is needed a lot of work. 90% of the stuff I brought up as problems were his favorite parts.

This, gentle readers, is where most people would cut bait and run. But not me. No - I go where only fools fear to tread.

He asks me to go ahead and come up with what I would do to make everything work. And we agree to talk in a couple weeks.

In my mind - I was still blowing this off. But - this guy had a big movie set up. He wanted to make this his next project. He was asking me to work on it with him. Seemed like a good deal.

Then something really strange happened. One of the producers on my film calls me out of the blue. She said an old friend was at her house and they happened to be talking - and he mentioned a script that he absolutely love and it happened to be mine. She puts him on the phone.

It is the DIRECTOR. Hey - he says - how is my project coming?

Damn -the concentric circles of Hollywood Hell converge and crush the life right out of me - even in rural Indiana...


And here is where it gets tricky and ugly....

Tune in Tomorrow for part deux, entitled:

Greg goes Chinese and gets a foot up his keister....