One night in Bangkok...

Every story has been told. There is nothing new. But if you know people's expectations – you can subvert them. If everyone sees what is coming – and you have set things up right – you can still throw in surprise by leading an audience by the hand to the water – and then blow up the lake…

But hopefully you still are giving them something satisfying. Not making them go away mad.

So we saw it coming all week…

It became inevitable. There really was no avoiding it. It became like a date with destiny.

The guy that brought us over – the American guy – all he did was talk about girls. Sleeping with girls, getting girls, finding girls… Ok…it doesn’t sound that unlike most men – but the thing with this guy was – he liked young girls… Nuff said.

He told us a story about the time he went to Cambodia and spent a week in his hotel with this girl he met. After three days – she told him she was 14… and so after TWO MORE days – he sent her home with some extra money because HE FELT BAD…

Anyway – this was the type. And it is very prevalent over in those parts. In fact – it seems to be encouraged on certain levels. Needless to say – we did not come for that – and at least two of us had wives at home – and we were supposed to be upstanding moral young men… Ok… not that young… and – not that moral I guess…

So after a week of him and Sobun trying in vain to introduce us to girls everywhere we went – we were told we were being treated to something special…we were going to an exclusive Japanese whorehouse.

Apparently there are different places for different races. Thai places, American places and Japanese places. According to our host – the Japanese places were the most exclusive.

The night of the excursion – Shawn and I made a pact. We would go. We would be nice. But we would not partake. And as the leaders of our little group – since we weren’t gonna get any – we were sure as hell gonna make sure that no one was gonna get any either.

We went to out compatriots and explained – no matter how tempted, no matter how much they may have dreamed about it – fantasized about it – wanted it… they were not gonna get it. We would not let them. And we got them both to say – out loud – that they agreed.

So we went. Everyone dressed up cause we had a really nice formal dinner first…then it was off to the brothels!

It wasn’t like the movies…

It was a reasonably nice place. Clean. We were some of the only people there. It happened so fast – that at first I was really unaware what was happening. We walked in and we were ushered into the main room. Once we were inside – a parade of at least 50 or 60 different girls came out – all in the same dress – looking almost exactly the same – and they all had a big number clipped to their dresses.

You were supposed to pick your number.

I was confused and disoriented – and not at all happy about the way things were going – mostly thinking about my wife and kids at home and wondering how the hell I would explain something so surreal to them…

And before I knew it – everyone had chosen a girl. I heard Shawn call out a number – and said – it’s my birthday… and I looked at him like – what?!? Don’t celebrate it… but he actually called out his birth day… the number… without looking at the girls…

So I was left alone – with a group of girls staring at me. And I froze. If only this was high school… so I did what I probably would have done then – I walked away. Everyone was waiting in a little lounge area next door where there was one big couch that filled the corner…

As soon as I sat down – Sobun said to me – Hey, Greg! Where’s your girl? I told him I couldn’t pick. But, lucky me… He had two. So he sent one over…

So there we all are, with our girls – and they bring out drinks and snacks… and it just gets really uncomfortable. I am leaning up in my seat as far forward as I can – talking to Shawn. Bill just keeps giggling… and only our writer is enjoying himself at all. He keeps trying to make conversation with his girl.

And here is the thing. These girls are really smart. They are Thai – but they not only speak fluent Japanese – they speak fluent English…! With those kind of skills, you would think that they could do really well for themselves – but here they were…doing really well for themselves.

After a really strange and sweaty half hour – it was time to go. Sobun explained that everything was taken care of – and we could take the girls back to the Hotel with us. We all sort of laughed and tried to blow it off… so he got personal with us.

Sobun: Greg. Do you want to take her home?
Greg: Sobun. Thank you. But my wife would kill me…

Sobun: Shawn. What bout you?
Shawn: My wife too. It would be a big mistake….
Sobun: Big? You talk bout me?

Sobun: Bill?
Bill: No. I’m a Christian. I’d love to take her back – but I can’t.

Sobun turns to Writer – still engaged in lively conversation with his girl.

Sobun: Ok. How bout you, Writer? (Writer’s name is changed to protect the not-so-innocent…)
Writer: Sure. Why not.

The rest of us turn to Writer – our collective mouths agape.

And before we could even protest – or kick his ass – Sobun and the Writer were off in a cab – leaving the rest of us in the street.

Let him who is without sin…

So all of us left out gather back at the hotel. We decide we need to bug the Writer and not let him do something foolish – like catch multiple diseases… So we call his room. Repeatedly. But we get no answers.

We decide to call it a night. A long crazy night.

The funny end to the story is – The Writer – in typical writer fashion – didn’t consummate the act. Or so he says. He sat in his room talking with the girl for an hour - then got her number and let her go with a wad of his cash. He told us the next day he felt really sorry for her – and when he got back to the states – he was gonna start sending her money every month…

For perspective – one night of pay for this girl was twice the average monthly wage in Bangkok.

In the end we talked some sense into him – but not much… he is a writer… and if there was ever a more hard-headed stubborn lot – it is us…

So while I teased the story for a couple days – and I lead you to the water – I wouldn’t say I blew up the lake… there was a nice surprise in it – but I would say it can hardly be called satisfying for anyone…

Except for the writer… and I think you know what I'm talking about....