It's about love Andy... Not Cincinnati bowties....

Another incredible Blog you should quickly check out:

http://jerslater.blogspot.com/

Very informative. Much funnier. Great examples.

One of the posts yesterday talked about sex scenes.

As a high school boy - I was a giant fan of sex scenes. And to be truthful - who cares if they were necessary or in support of a plot of any kind. In fact - nudity was basically encouraged on any front.

But being as how I was in Asia at the time - everything was cut out of movies. There was no "ratings board" there - or at least that I could tell. I went to see Scarface at 14 and the ticket guy gave me a big smile as he ushered me in. But they did have rules regarding nudity. Anything that happened under sheets was A-OK - but anything outside of that was A-cut-out...

So now that I am a grown boy - I find it difficult to deal with sex scenes. Can it be my puritanical upbringing has brought me to this point where I have issues with even the tiniest bit of skin being shown on screen?

Not really.

But there is just something strange. About watching two people you know aren't in love - probably who can't stand each other, cavorting on screen - and watching it with your friends. There is just something a little strange to me about it - like gathering with a group of guys to watch porn or something. Just... icky....

And watching it with the wife can be uncomfortable as well. When the scene come on and its usually followed by an uncomfortable silence, like - whoops... How did that get in here? I always expect it to be like in Old School where three people come out of the bathroom with blindfolds on....

And yet sex is a part of our everyday lives... Unless you're married... And then there is always Wednesday night - cause nothing is on TV... And you know what that means... Its business time...

Let me state unequivocally - I am not opposed to sex. Heck - I spent a good part of my life chasing sex... And still do... But the wife runs really fast... One of my favorite movies last year was the 40 year old virgin - it is a classic...But even in that movie -which was almost entirely about sex - no one had any at all until the end...

But I know the other side of picture... The production side... And what people are asked to do in this business...And I have issues with that...

And it seems that a lot of sex scenes in films are designed by really sweaty greasy men that get no closer to a woman than the one on their computer screens. When I was just getting out of film school - we used to joke that there was big money in Christian porn. You show the sex scene - then cut to the side of the bed where there is a picture of the couple on their wedding day - legitimizing their acts...

While people do meet and fall in love everyday - I think most sex scenes in movies kill any momentum of the story. Now we sit and watch two people grapple and grope and then we get back to the story... If only they were shooting at someone or fighting the bad guy - now that is character development!

In my last script, I actually had the "roll off" scene. You know - the one where the couple actually "did it"- and by "did it" I mean... Well, you know - before we got there, and she rolls off the top. While I was gone working out - my wife found the scene. She didn't like it. She doesn't like most of what I write - so in some ways it was no surprise... But she went in and made little comments all over the scene - things like:

Oh? She is naked? Do you want me to play that part? Or how about your daughter?
Oh? She "rolls off?" Clever! No wonder we are broke....
Oh? Wow. You think this is sexy? You're not getting any for a month!

Which actually may explain why so many scripts have sex: Because it is the closest a writer can get to actually getting any.

This is the actual sex scene from the script that money was paid for that I am pitching a take on this week:

The joy of sex. Name deleted and Name deleted moaning, groaning with wild abandon on the sofa bed.

That's it.

Still - a little embarrassing don't ya think?

Maybe we should try something a little more truthful.

INT.BEDROOM - NIGHT

Man rolls over to wife - who sleeps soundly. He pokes her with his finger.

He: Hey. You asleep?
She: Dear God. Is that your breath?
He: Sorry.
She: What?
He: You wanna... You know...
She: Is it Wednesday already?
He: No... I just thought...
She: What time is it?

Man sits up - looks at clock. 3 am.

He: Almost 7.
She: I gotta get up in a minute.
He: I mean 6 - It's almost 6...
She: Then just let me sleep.
He: Come on...I did the laundry and the dishes...
She: Oh all right... just make it quick...

Now that, ladies and gentlemen... puts asses in the seats...!

And if it doesn't - one suggestion:

SPIDERMAN SUITS!