The monster at the end of this post

Let me take you on a little trip...

And please - humor me. This will all come back around.

So here it is - early 90's. I am in my little conservative east coast film school - and trying to absorb every little thing I can about film. I watch as many movies a day as I can, I read every book I can find, I fill every little scrap of paper with academy award acceptance speeches...

And into this mix comes reviews about a movie that is blowing peoples minds. Everyone is talking about it. Roger Ebert says this movie is the surprise of the year - and in an age before all of us got our movie news and spoilers from things other than the internet - the media was all a buzz... But the big difference between then and now is that no one would spoil the surprise. This movie had something happen in it that no one saw coming....

I was so excited. Now this being a smaller sized town - and the film going into limited release - meant that we had to wait... And wait... And wait... Until it finally got to where we were. I gathered up at least two dozen of my comrades from school... All of us ready to witness the big turn...

Now - if you want to know a bit about me - there is nothing I love more in a movie that being deceived and manipulated... I love to go to a film and think it is about one thing - only to have it be something completely different. I love being surprised and shocked and dismayed when I end up being wrong about my expectations...I am entirely too vocal in my love or hate for films as they unfold... There is nothing better than being in the theater and being pulled along by a film to God knows where...

So the big night comes... And we are ready. Everyone is there... Everyone talking about what is to come... And we wait... And wait... And wait... And guess what? The big surprise is....

a penis.

Go figure. It all lead up to a dick. A girl....Was really.... Not a girl.

I remember being shocked. Being freaked out. And then being really let down. This was not a twist in the story - this was not some incredible plot manipulation - it was really just a shock.

Needless to say, my friends did not let me pick movies for a while.

Now here is how it comes back around.

The entire game of Hollywood is about waiting. To get anywhere - you need buzz... And buzz takes years to build - then everyone knows you - then everyone wants you - then you wait some more....

I always thought I was just one step away. One short film away. One award away. One commercial away. One TV show away. One TV series away. One script away. One whatever...

We have gone as far as we can without getting anything done. And we are still waiting.

You send something to your agents - that took you years to get... And you get notes back... In maybe three weeks... And then you wait some more...

You are always one thing away....There is hope, there is dreams... And there is reality... And



I know all there is to know about the waiting game.... About the waiting game....

So go figure.... It's not about bitter oats...It's just about truth.

And that is the monster at the end of this post.