Here's looking at you, Emily

Emily over at White Board Markers - one of the sites you should be checking out daily - threw down a clown gauntlet to me.

She is afraid of clowns - and as my regular readers know - I seem to enjoy plastering bad clowns all over my site. Along with pictures of animals humping.

Obviously I have issues.

But in honor of Em - I'll share another one of my favorite clown stories.

Earlier - I related the tail of how KILLJOY - the evil clown script - came to be. What I forgot to tell was the story that proceeded that story....

Once upon a time....

I directed shows for the Discovery Channel for 12 years. As such - I have an insatiable curiosity. I love to ask people questions about what they do. Nothing makes me happier than to find out about a persons life in a short amount of time - and most people love to talk about themselves - so it works out well.

For the most part.

Sometimes - you get more than you bargained for.

Like the time Shawn and I started quizzing a truck driver who was making deliveries to a restaurant. As we gathered the facts of his life - somehow it came out that he had spent time in prison. When we asked what for - we found out he was sleeping with his step-daughter. Who was 14. But - as he explained - she liked it.

Whoa.

Anyway. This is a clown story - so pardon the interruption.

My wife and I are at dinner in Virginia Beach. Before the kids - when it was just the two of us and we didn't know how good we had it. So we are waiting for our food - and one of those damn clowns is making the rounds. You know the ones - they come to your table - make some balloon dog - and then ask for money.

I hate this.

Usually I just try to ignore them till they go away.

But this guy was kinda cool. He was making the most unusual stuff I had ever seen. The one I remember was Barney eating Scooby Doo. It was an actual balloon dinosaur with a dog in its belly.

Impressive.

While I forget what he made for us - I do know that I started peppering him with questions.

One part of which went something like this:

So. Where did you learn to do this?

And he said: I don't think you wanna know.

Oh but I do.

Really?

Yes. Really.

You sure?

YES....

Well. When I was in prison - the guards would give us boxes of condoms. And I had nothing but time - so I started blowing them up. And then making stuff out of them. And it was tough - because they were lubricated - and I kept breaking out around my lips. Till they finally brought me some that weren't lubricated...

Hmmm. Well. Thanks for that... Check please!

After that - I asked no more questions.

But I know that when I told that story to Tadd - it stuck in his head - cause it was a couple weeks later that the dead clown came out of the park...

So beware the clown and his balloons... Cause you never know where they've been.