Mourning or Morning?

Feels like a new day...

Sometimes - when you are in the middle of your story - when you are so caught up in the characters or the plot - or you are just caught - and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and you don't know how anything is going to turn out - you feel trapped and scared and alone.

Anxious.

Or maybe it's just me... :)

Something about betting everything on a ticket - and hoping that ticket comes in. Sometimes I feel as if I am a giant idiot. That moving my family - destroying my savings - leaving my job - all these things were so incredibly foolish - and in the end might not pay off at all. That I'll be sitting here with a pile of pages, full of type that mean absolutely nothing.

And who in their right mind does this stuff at 38? That is a young man's game - running willy-nilly off on some dream chase?

Well. I have walked out repeatedly in my life on jobs that paid more, offered more, given me better positions - so this is nothing new. I am so lucky to have a loving caring wife who always says "we'll be fine..." Although lately, she has added "should I get a job at Walmart?"

This is the life we have chosen. It is a risk. And probably most of us are ill-equipped to do it. I remember in film school, my prof telling the room that out of all of us, only 1 or 2 would ever make it in the business. I thought he was crazy... We were all gonna do something... But he was right - and you watch your friends fall away, getting real jobs, making money, saving for retirement, eating well... And you wonder who is the fool?

But then you see - this isn't a race run like a sprint. It is an ultramarathon. While there are those bastards who are lucky and write a perfect script without sweat or problems - most of us struggle everyday - with our writing, our doubts, our families...

But pity not the poor writer...We are lucky as well. Because each day is another chance. Each day gives us the opportunity to be better. To fine tune 120 pages of crap into gold.

We are the word alchemists... And we have a choice how we approach things.

I pray each day to rise to the challenge... But mostly I just surf the internet and complain... :)

(Lifting high my glass of orange juice...)

Here's to today!