Still trying....

I'm hovering at the intersection of creatively bankrupt and creatively frustrating.

I sat with Ryan this week and got to go through his latest draft of his new script. It was nice - cause each draft was getting better and he was getting to focus on new stuff each time that was taking the script down the right road.

And he just got engaged to a 12 year old - so he was really happy. This time in 6 years - he will also be just like the rest of us. Old and married.

While he had that really goofy grin that comes with thinking about what he "thinks" his new life will be all about - I couldn't help but feel like that vetran cop in every cop movie ever on hearing how he is being partnered with the new kid.

I'm getting too old for this crap.

Sometimes - the daily grind of creatively going about my job in this business had been sapping all the love and joy out of actually sitting down to write. I want to write. I need to write. But I can't write.

Not because I don't have ideas. Not because I feel blocked.

Maybe because I'm lazy. Maybe because I'm undisciplined.

Mostly because I feel that dull numbing ache of wanting to not think at the end of the day. After all the notes and yelling and changing of the show on a daily basis - I want to throw in the towel and watch the Wire on dvd. I want to see excellence and revel in it rather than attempt to create something and fail.

So its back to trying.

It's easy to complain. It's easy to get down. It's easy to give in.

Sigh.

Instead I shall forge ahead. Really. This time for sure.

Starting tomorrow.