Fear and Trembling

Ever hear of Beat Dog syndrome?

You get a dog from the pound or the human society and you bring them home and every time you get near them or want to pet them - they cringe and recoil?

Well - that's usually how I approach budgets.

The world that I came from is one of not a lot of money. Discovery Channel doesn't throw money at problems - it takes money from problems. Whenever I get on a really big shoot and the solution is to throw money at it to make it go away - I feel curiously adrift.

Now - I am the guy that has a reputation for being the "Big Middle Finger" to those above me. I don't really have that much trouble expressing myself or my condition...But when it comes to money - I have this issue.

I like to see as much of it go on the screen as possible.

When we needed to squeak more money out of a budget - Blair and Shawn and I usually took it from our own pockets. Or - more likely - Bill's.

We wanted the best possible product. The coolest look combined with the coolest idea. And we didn't care if we got rich on it or not...

Looking back - sometimes we were idiots... :)

But I find myself always looking over my shoulder... Out of step with an industry that spends like there is no tomorrow. Like every dollar should be going in one direction - out the door.

So now - as I face my budget talks... I find myself in the same position.

No one wants to say how much is too much and no one will admit that you're underselling yourself.

They want me to spend - but don't wanna tell me how much. They want it to be cheap - but won't guide me into telling me how cheap.

It;s almost always a lose lose situation. And in the end - I'm still the guy holding the bag - having to make things work.

The difference here is that it is international.

At home - I know how my boys do. I know what they want - but also what they'll take. I know how to stretch a dollar.

And my boys rally to give me the best they can.

Over there - not so much. Gotta proceed with caution.

So I'm jumping in the pool today - trying to go in with a cannonball -

Not just a little nancy toe dip.