I've begun to think that the only sensible way to deal with this dilemma is to become young again, to forget everything I know and try to have the mind of a student. To re-invent myself by forgetting I ever had any film career at all, and instead to dream about having one.

Certainly one advantage of 'youth' in the arts is ignorance, to know so little as to be fearless. To not grasp that certain things one may dream up are actually impossible to do. When I finished Apocalypse Now I of course thought 'If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have even tried..." Certainly old age brings 'experience' and that is not to be discounted, but in the arts, fearlessness is a more desirable genie than experience. Fearlessness is cousin to innovation, whereas experience can be the parent of fear. Once you've fallen out of the tree a few times; felt the pain of those bruised knees and suffered the embarrassment of the inevitable ridicule —it's much more difficult to be as daring in what you do, or even what you attempt to do.

So, for myself at any rate, I've decided the best course is to become an amateur and accept that I know next to nothing and love almost everything.

Francis Ford Coppola

Genius!

Not that I have much of a career to forget - but the idea of becoming an amateur again - starting from scratch - learning to love everything and beginning anew...

Wow... Refreshing and poetic.

I long for the days when I would dream of where I would be and how I would get there instead of the days where I worry about how to pay the rent. I wish for the times that I wasecstaticc about getting $125 a day to grip on a shoot.

As I begin this week - I want the doors to open up again - the world to fill with possibilities - and little birds to sit on my shoulder and sing me a song about happiness...

And money to come out of my butt...

But in the meantime...

I write.