The Big Poop Shoot

I have been asked to do takes. I'll get a script or a film or a short story - and asked how I would make it a movie. Now granted - all anyone has ever seen from me is my script that is soon to be in production (I think...Hope...Pray...) and they know nothing of my work habits, my approach or anything.

All they know is my script.

There is this strange thinking that some sort of lightning can strike twice. That someone who writes one thing well might have some sort of secret alchemy magic that allows them to write another thing well. And they think it can cross all sorts of boundaries.

In commercials - ad agencies only want a certain kind of director. There is the car guy, the funny guy, even the meat guy... I was known as the explosions guy... But they don't want the meat guy doing the car guy's spots... The meat guy had to stick to the meat...For an occupation that thrives on "out of the box" (how gay is that expression...?) their thinking was anything but that...

I figured that it would be very much the same for scriptwriting. I came into the game with a suspense/thriller and figured that is where I would get attention. But people are funny. They would talk to me and then say stuff like - I wanna find a kid's film for you. Strange - seeing as how the kids in my film were victims of a pedophile... I wonder what made you think I would be perfect for your Little Sally and Fuzzy Bears adaptation?

There was a run when I started of three projects that all somehow had anal rape in them. While not necessarily being a fan of anal rape myself - I like to think I'm somewhat open minded. I figured - hey - how many writers can say they have a specialty? And while it might not be as "cool" as the "meat guy," it would be nice to have a niche...At least you know - as long as there is anal rape - you will always have work. It could be my signature...

But its tough to be pigeon holed. You begin to long for diversity. How many prison showers scenes can you write? There is only so many variations on "drop the soap" and "whoops"...

Kinda like the beginning of Tootsie - where Dustin Hoffman tries to tell the casting director - I can be taller. I can be shorter... Tell me what it is and I can be it

But since then, I have been thrown a few other bones. Horror script. Action script. Chinese novel. Sci Fi thin. But haven't got any of them.

That's the great thing. Now - not only can I be rejected in one genre - I can expand it to others. I can experience the full gamut of pain and rejection across the board.

The nice thing is you get to see a lot of stories. Things that people have bought. Things that others have sold. And you can compare. It's never apples to apples. And that is a great thing about this business... Your script is not up against mine - there are a million people not sure what they are looking for - all trying to catch lightning in a bottle - and they hope that yours is the one that strikes for them.

I read these scripts - and I usually feel the same way. 40 pages in - I think - wow... What could I do with this. Its great. I can't write like that. They are so smart - witty - funny - scary... Whatever...

And then - I finish. And I have the same feeling most movie goers have. Wow. That didn't pay off. What did that have to do with anything? Why wasn't that set up better... And you see what you can bring to the table. And you start to break it down to see how you would go about putting it back together again... And in my case - you go out and watch all the movies that did it better and try to find a way to make this one different and appealing. And find how to take that magic from the first 40 and sustain it.

You bring yourself to the process. Your life - your experiences - your "take." Cause there is only one you. No matter how you try to hide from it, you are all you've got....Dig down and try to find the way that you can make this thing uniquely yours....

And... If you are me...

You find somehow, somewhere to squeeze in a little anal rape...

Cause what film isn't complete without a shower scene?

And everybody needs a calling card...