I am alone...

Utterly... alone....

Not been writing.

Finishing up the Rape of Nanking - and have been a little sad ever since. I guess there's a reason why I don't read a lot of non fiction.

Cause life can be pretty disgusting.

Worse than that - I followed up to see what else author Iris Chang had written - because she wrote this brilliant book at 29 - and found out not only is she dead - she is dead by her own hand.

She was working on a new book and apparently had a breakdown that had her convinced she was being followed by the CIA and she shot herself - leaving behind her husband and 2 year old son.

That's just another log on the fire of depression.

The book is so gripping and amazing - as any account of heroism is in the face of overwhelming odds. It really is crazy that there hasn't been a film about this. There were so many people who basically gave up their lives to stay in the city and help when there was no hope of them ever really getting out alive.

If you don't know the story - The Japanese - in their march across China - took over the city of Nanking in about 2 days. Then they systematically killed close to 300,000 people in a matter of days. Afterwards - they occupied the city and raped any girl they could find. If not for the bravery of a few doctors, missionaries and a couple Nazis - the rest would have died as well.

Ms Chang also goes into the mindset that would allow a group of people - in this horrific case - the Japanese to be able to kill and rape as they did. I personally believe that we all have black hearts and released to our own instincts will always do what best suits us. If you remove societal restraint and law - and replace it with a fanatical devotion to the emperor - coupled with the authorities telling you this is what you do - I can see it happening.

It would never happen again though. At least, not during a war. Not in this age of embedded reporters and 24 hour news channels.

But at this point - the world did know what was going on. Just not to the extent of what really happened. And that ignorance still continues. Most have no clue of what happened here - let alone even where "here" is on a map. Until this book came out in the mid 90's - I doubt most Americans even knew about it.

On one hand - you ask yourself - If I was there, and Japanese - would I have been part of doing these unspeakable things? Could I have somehow been the lone voice of reason or dissent? And at the same time - you ask - would I have had the balls to be one of the ex pats who stayed behind to set up as safety zone and defy the Japanese army - taking my life into my hands every day? Roaming the streets at night without weapons - trying to save lives - like those men and women did?

It was a different time - in a place cut off from the rest of the world with people on both sides feeling as if they were answering to a higher moral authority - but in the end, no one can doubt that everyone there was singularly touched by the atrocities committed.

To this day - people are still affected.

And yet - it still happens. Rowanda. Dafur. And others.


I guess I've answered my own question.
I'm the guy who sits by and watches bad stuff happen.


And on that happy note: Off to work.
I promise to be back with more silly distracting pictures and happy thoughts later...